Failure Opportunity
‘Why do I expect myself to feel like the sun is out even though it’s not?’
I said this to a friend recently. We both paused then laughed, acknowledging how simple, silly, and profound it was all at once.
This month I’ve had to go easy on myself for a number of reasons. I love transitions and change. I also find them incredibly exhausting and difficult.
‘I feel like I’m literally, not metaphorically, shedding my skin again,’ I said to another friend today while cooking brunch.
I haven’t felt quite this tired and vulnerable, exposed, like a creature hatching, since 2020 when I finally decided to leave my hometown again and start this newsletter.
I didn’t understand why I needed to go. For 8 years, I felt I needed to leave, but not understanding why made me stay until I finally gave myself permission to go—the only reason being because I wanted to.
This morning I cried for most of the 20-minute drive to my cycling class. I wanted to understand why so I could distract myself from what I was feeling.
Grief.
Grief for everyone I miss this time of year. Grief for Palestine. Grief for all the disappointments and unexpected losses that stack up as each year passes.
But with grief also comes gratitude.
Grieving loss is a reminder of our capacity to love.
How do you get in the way of feeling? How might you allow more room for the full expression of what your body needs to feel this month?
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